July 11, 2007 · Filed under International
Read some very encouraging news today regarding inter-country adoptions in India…’Adopting a child to get easier, Govt to relax laws – http://in.news.yahoo.com/070711/211/6hxyk.html‘. The video can be found here http://in.news.yahoo.com/070711/211/6hxz6.html.
If there is one person I would thank for bringing the issue of adoption to the forefront, it would have to be Angelina Jolie. Thank you maam for using your celebrity power and attempting to adopt from India. Although I don’t think we would adopt from India it is nice to know that there is a good possibility that many of the homeless children in India would be able to find a forever family and lead a good life. Thank you…thank you…Angelina!
Words and policies are cheap, the bigger challenge is execution which has been dismal so far. CARA had a good policy in the past but it failed to implement them properly. Is it possible to minimize corruption, will CARA be able to implement the new policy…we will have to wait and see! A step in the right direction nevertheless!
May 31, 2007 · Filed under Ava, International
Most useful things for us:
- Umbrella stroller. This was invaluable for us. We had taken a baby bjorn and an umbrella stroller, since we did not know what Ava would like. The moment we put Ava in the stroller, however, she was happy, and we took her everywhere in it – AIT, out for lunch and dinner and even in the airport. Some children don’t like being in a stroller immediately, but luckily for us, Ava took to it immediately, and it worked well for us.
- Thermos flask. We took a 16 ounce flask which we bought from Target. This was very useful too, as our baby likes her formula warm. We took warm water in the flask wherever we went, so that we could feed her wherever we were, including the airport. I don’t know how we would have managed feeding her without it. The flask we had kept water warm at least for 4-5 hours if steaming hot water was put in it, so that helped a lot.
- Diapers. We took Pampers Swaddlers size 2 (for 12-18 lbs) and Pampers Cruisers size 3 (for 16-22 lbs). We used size 2 in Taiwan, but are now using size 3, which is more comfortable for Ava right now, even though she is around 15 lbs. I’ve been told this depends on the shape of the baby, but this is what worked for us.
- Lots of bibs and baby clothes. Though the hotel we stayed in had laundry facilities, it seemed absurdly expensive, and would probably have cost us $100 for a small load of clothes. We took along a lot of clothes, bibs and washcloths so we had enough to last us our entire trip.
- Toys like stacking cups and the baby plastic spoons. Ava was teething when we picked her up, so teethers would have been nice, except that she didn’t really like the teether we had. She does however like the fat little colorful plastic spoon for feeding babies, and uses both ends of it as a teether.
- Medicines for us. Since we tend to fall sick on trips, we took along medicines for cold and flu for us, in the event that one of us fell sick.
- Laptop. We like to research every little thing, so we took a laptop along, and purchased Wireless access – the whole of Taipei is connected through the Wifly network, and you can buy access cards at any Starbucks. We paid NT$500 for a month – that’s around $15 USD. The laptop is a hassle because it is one extra bag to carry, but we found it really useful, because when we needed information, we could just search for it online, and ask for suggestions from our family and friends by email. We were concerned about the fact that Ava bangs her head on the mattress to soothe herself, but read online that this is a soothing technique that some children employ, and they eventually grow out of it. So, we didn’t have to worry about it.
- Baby bjorn. Though we didn’t use it at all, we had taken it along in case Ava didn’t like the stroller. We forgot to keep it out during our travel, but it would probably have been nice to have after we got into the plane and gate checked our stroller. The reason is that our baby absolutely did not like the bassinet and spent the entire 11 hour flight on our shoulders.
- Inflatable Beach ball. Though Ava didn’t play too much with this, it was good to take. We got it at Target for a buck, and inflated it before we got her to the hotel. It was a nice distraction, and some kids might enjoy playing with it more than others. It’s so compact to carry that it’s definitely worth taking, in our opinion.
- No extra shoes for us. We both wore one pair of comfortable yet reasonably formal looking shoes for the journey, and did not take any additional sneakers or sandals. This allowed us more space to take other useful things.
Other things we found useful.
We spent almost a day just scouting the area near our hotel. We found a store which was like a dollar store here, and got a number of small, useful things there, including a little step stool to help with bathing Ava.
No formula. We were advised not to take formula on the trip by other friends who had traveled, and this was great advice. St. Lucy’s gave us a whole tin of formula, the brand is Nestle NaN 2, everything else is in Chinese, so we don’t know more about it. The big tin easily lasted our entire 4 days there with Ava, and we still have some remaining, which we are using to transition her to the new formula. Taking formula from here would have been a waste of space.
We had a LONG wait for Ava’s immigration. For some reason, at Los Angeles, the line is the same for all new immigrants who are getting a green card, so we waited about 2 hours in that line, which is something we were not prepared for. When we were near the end of the line, an official told us to come up front and processed Ava’s documents. He told us that if he had known that we were waiting with a baby, he would have taken us earlier. This probably saved us at least an hour’s worth of waiting, but I would suggest letting people know that you are US citizens and are only there for your adopted baby right up front – if they take you right away, that will be awesome.
Consider the hotel you will be staying in carefully. We stayed at Caesar Park, which was very convenient, and we highly recommend it as we enjoyed our stay there very much. There are lots of shops and restaurants nearby, including a mall, grocery stores where we could buy baby stuff and a bunch of convenience stores. Also the hotel is across the street from MRT, the train station. We took the high speed train to Tainan city, which was very convenient – it took about 2 hours and was a lot less hassle than a flight. We booked our tickets before hand, though we were told that you can buy them on the spot too. The staff at the hotel were very nice, and they upgraded us to a suite, probably after hearing about our adoption plans. Also we had asked for a crib in our room when we booked the room, and they provided one. Tip: We think they upgraded us to a suite because we asked for a crib even though we did not have a baby with us. After we got the upgrade we told them that we are adopting and they didn’t seem surprised. Note that only the supervisor can make this call so make sure there is a supervisor around.
We traveled by Eva Air Evergreen Deluxe class, and asked for bassinet seating on the way back. This was very comfortable, and convenient, even though Ava didn’t like sleeping in the bassinet. There is a lot of room in front of those seats, and we ended up changing her diaper right there instead of trying to do it in the plane restroom. It also gave us place to spread out and we put a lot of her toys in the bassinet, since she didn’t want to sleep there.
Update Oct 11, 2007: We used the same travel agent – referred to us by our friends (Thanks Judy and Anita!) from the Heartsent group, for our trip to India, via Taiwan on EVA, and she got us a fantastic deal on a very busy sector. In addition, she got us bulk-head seating all the way through! Even on our trip to Taiwan to pick up Ava, the travel agent was able to get us the lowest price and bulk-head seating on the return leg. I am not sure I can post her information here so, if you are interested, please leave a comment and I will email the information to you. Just thought I’d share this since we were very impressed with this agent and her ability to get us a great deal on EVA.
May 26, 2007 · Filed under Ava, International
What a journey it has been! Does it end here or has it just begun? Our daughter is now starting a new life with us in a new country. It is probably a traumatic experience for her but she definitely doesn’t show it. She has been a model kid so far except during sleep/nap time.
The entire trip was great except for the immigration in Los Angeles on our return journey. We had to go to the new immigrants line since Ava is a new immigrant. The line was moving at a snail’s pace and after a 14 hour journey with an 8 month old baby, it was getting beyond annoying when we ended up waiting over 2 hours in this line. Luckily a new officer got on duty, noticed us, and asked us to come to the head of the line. He then made sure that our documents were processed immediately which saved us at least another 1-2 hrs wait.
May 23, 2007 · Filed under Ava, International
Our baby is finally with us! Wifey was in tears the moment Ava entered through the door. Hubby was relieved. All that happened in the past is history. All that matters now is that we have a baby. We will do the best job we pssibly can to give her a good and purposeful life.
We left Los Angeles on May 20 and reached Taiwan on the 21th. We spent the next couple of days doing some sightseeing and exploring the areas around us. We found some excellent eating places, experienced the warm hospitality and friendliness of the locals, and the crazy driving skills of the Taxi drivers. All in all, Taiwan is an amazing country and we are glad that we got a chance to visit this wonderful country. We are looking forward to a few more visits with Ava as she grows up and is able to appreciate the finer points of her birth country.
May 17, 2007 · Filed under Domestic, International
“Imagine that you are but a few days old, and you wake up alone on the sidewalk or in a bus station. Instead of the familiar smell, heartbeat and arms of your mother to comfort you when you cry, no one comes for what seems like an eternity. When someone finally notices you, it is a stranger. Imagine then, that for the next 6 or more months you are confined to a crib where you are cared for sporadically by many people who also care for many other babies. No one picks you up when you cry. You are not fed when you are hungry, but fed when it is convenient for your caregiver. You are not held enough or loved enough. And when you are scared at night because of the dark and the crying of other babies, you are left to comfort yourself” – http://www.attach-china.org/ptsd.html
Like almost all living beings on this planet, the survival instinct applies to humans too. The child goes into survival mode the day he or she is born. Once the child is reassured that he is safe in this world he would then trust his surroundings which would enable him to learn, grow and prosper. On the other hand if the child doesn’t trust the environment around him he may regress. The trust and distrust is based on the early life experiences which could be very negative in an institutional environment.
The initial alarm reaction, whether it is fight, flight, freeze or dissociation, enables survival, mobilizing the victim, to escape danger, either physically or mentally. If the trauma persists in duration, intensity, or frequency, it can lead to permanent physiological and psychological changes. While adaptive for dangerous or threatening situations, these changes are maladaptive once the child is in a normal situation. Instead of appropriately evaluating a current situation, she reacts as if she is still in danger. For example, a child might become hyperactive at bedtime, to avoid falling asleep, because sleeping reminds her of terrifying nights in the orphanage. Or she may react with extreme rage or fear when she is accidentally bumped, feeling that it is a deliberate attack. Or being left alone in daycare might remind her of long days in the orphanage and she might become spaced out or withdrawn, thinking she’s been abandoned again. – http://www.attach-china.org/ptsd.html
Some of the signs include a child not bonding with her parents, stealing and hoarding food, and crying incessantly for no apparent reason or because of some unrelated incident that occurred a long time ago. It is important to identify such issues as soon as possible and maybe visit a specialist depending on the severity of the issue. Sometimes a child just needs constant attention and the rule of the thumb is to spend as much time continuously with the child as the amount of time she spent in an institution. Most experts believe that every need of an institutionalized child should be met for as long as possible before parenting rules are put into effect.
Post-institutionalized children under the age of 2 years certainly require a tremendous amount of stimulation, bonding and attachment as they continue to be at a very critical level of both brain and emotional development. The younger post-institutionalized child certainly has a lesser degree of risk based on a lesser amount of time spent in an institutional environment, whereas the older child may have already “progressed” to a level of regression in both neurocognitive and emotional functioning – http://www.drfederici.com/post_child.htm
The following article is a must read for all those considering adoption from an orphanage (long): An adoptive mom’s exploration; Of the neurological impact; Of trauma, neglect, and sensory deprivation – http://www.baas.org/news_special.php
For those wishing to do more research on this subject you may find it useful to search for these keywords in your favorite search engine (google!):
- Post Traumatic Stress Disorder
- Sensory Processing Dysfunction
- Reactive Attachment Disorder
April 11, 2007 · Filed under Ava, International
And parents we will be! The final hurdle has been crossed. As of today, Ava is legally our daughter. What a relief! The tentative gotcha day is May 23rd, AIT appointment on the 24th and we should receive her visa on the 25th! We are looking to be in Taiwan from May 21 through the 26th.
We thank everyone who has supported us through this journey. Our journey for our first daughter has almost come to an end but we are definitely going to adopt another child. We might get brave and go for a older child next time but we will wait until Ava has settled into our lives (and vice versa).
We will make occasional and likely serious updates to this blog but our focus now shifts to Ava’s blog. See you there!
April 6, 2007 · Filed under Domestic, International
As we approach the long awaited day when we will finally bring our baby girl home, we find that we have a lot of time for thought and introspection.
This is a very exciting time for us, but we are trying to keep at least one foot grounded in reality. As excited as we are about this new chapter of our lives, we have to be fully ready to close the previous chapter so that we can enjoy this fully. And by the previous chapter, I am talking about the loss in our lives.
Adoption, though it is a wonderful opportunity for all concerned, is rooted in loss. Every one involved in the adoption triad has faced a loss. The birth parents – their loss is obvious. They will never get to parent the child that they birthed, the child that was born out of their love, but whom they were unable to parent, for various reasons. The innocent baby – she will never get to live with her birth family, and will be constantly plagued with questions about why she was abandoned, and other questions of her identity. And the adoptive parents – they have lost a dream, a dream of creating a baby together with the one they love, a dream about going through pregnancy perhaps, a dream of bringing life into the world.
Everyone in this equation has lost something, and in order to be happy with their lives, they need to accept these losses and move forward. This doesn’t mean that everybody concerned needs to think about it forever and be sad about it. But we do need to grieve our losses and then accept that our dreams have changed.
For the birth mother, she can take comfort that her child will always be loved and cared for, and she will no doubt try her best to be ready for subsequent children. For the little child, instead of fitting in and being normal, she can stand out and shine. She can be exposed to two cultures, the one she was born into and the one she was adopted into. And for adoptive parents, a dream of having a baby with Dad’s eyes or Mom’s smile is replaced by a one where their world is filled with laughter and joy, filled with the mundane activities of changing diapers and tending to hurt knees. Their dream of a child is fulfilled, even though not in the way they originally planned.
As we go through life, often our prayers are answered in ways we never imagined. Accepting our changed dreams and diving into them is part of what makes life worth living. And we have to expect that rosy though our future may be, there will be pitfalls, moments of doubt and despair, and frustrating sadness at life’s unexpected twists and turns. As long as we have the people that we love to turn to, we can get through anything, and with that assurance, we move forward – for the toughest and hopefully most fulfilling task of our lives so far – to be parents.
March 28, 2007 · Filed under Domestic, International
People tend to ask a lot of personal questions about adoption, and it becomes even more complicated when asked in front of the child. Sometimes there is a burning desire to tell these people to go to hell but it is important to be as constructive as possible to better prepare the child to handle questions addressed to them in the absence of their parents.
Constructive responses can gently educate others, especially if said with a smile. BUT WE ARE ANSWERING PRIMARILY FOR OUR CHILDREN’S EARS. In the few seconds that we have to prepare our response, we need to make a quick decision as to what words will best support our child’s self-esteem, protect the child’s privacy about his origins, and/or clarify that adoption builds “real” families with their “own” children. – Gracious answers to awkward questions about our adopted kids (http://www.adopting.org/question.html)
The same question might have a different connotation coming from different people – some people are genuinely interested especially those who are considering adopting, there are some who are ignorant, some who mean well but are curious, some who are narrow minded, and others are just rude! We created this blog to educate our near and dear family and friends. For those who are geniuinely interested, our answer to any intrusive question would be – visit our blog. For the rest, here is a small list of questions and the possible answers
Q: How much does an adoption cost these days?
A: It’s about the same as giving birth in a hospital, if you don’t have maternity coverage and allow for complications
Q: How much did you pay for her?
A:
Q: Why didn’t you adopt an American child?
Q: Why didn’t you adopt a child from India?
Q: Why Taiwan of all places?
A: It was destiny! Haven’t you heard of the red thread…?
A: Why? Don’t you think we make a good family?
Q: Where did you get this dear little one? Where is she from?
A: She was born in Taiwan
Q: Isn’t she a lucky little girl? What wonderful people you are!
A: We are both lucky. She is such a wonderful child!
Q: And do you also have children of your own?
Q: Couldn’t you have your own kids?
A: Yes, and here she is
Q: How could the mother have given up such a lovely child?
A: We don’t know very much about the birth mother
A: It was very hard for the birth mother, but she just couldn’t take care of ANY baby at that time
Q: What do you know about the real parents?
A: We are her real parents so what do you want to know about us?
Q: Oh, of course–I meant the natural parents.
A: We don’t know very much about the birth parents
A: That’s personal to our daughter and us
Q: Where did she get that beautiful hair?
A: God gave it to her
A: She was born with it
Here is a nice link (http://threesons.clubmom.com/three_sons/2006/10/burning_questio.html) where the author lists 20 possible answers to her burning question “Where did your daughter get that beautiful dark hair?” and asks the readers to choose their preference.
Resources:
Positive Adoption Language:
http://adoptiontimeline.com/positive-adoption-language/
Annoying Questions:
http://pediatrics.about.com/od/parentingadvice/ss/05_annoying_sbs_7.htm
Rude Questions:
http://www.babycenter.com/dilemma/baby/adoption/1149621.html
March 23, 2007 · Filed under International
Today we went down to the local Taipei Economic and Cultural Office (TECO) to authenticate a Power of Attorney (POA) document. This document authorizes the nursery in Taiwan to apply for a passport for our baby, on our behalf. Our baby is going to get a passport so that she can travel back with us in a few weeks. Yay!
The lady whom we spoke to at the TECO office was extremely nice, and actually recognized our names from the papers our agency had sent to them earlier – she remembered that there were a big bunch of papers. She was also very sweet and talked about the adoption a bit.
March 19, 2007 · Filed under Ava, International
Our agency called us today and gave us this excellent news. If all goes well, we travel to Taiwan in 6 weeks to pick up our baby. Wow! Our baby will be with us in less than 2 months. Wow! It’s going to be a busy six weeks, that’s for sure. But at the end of that, we will get to go and bring her home! We are thrilled beyond words and can’t wait!
February 14, 2007 · Filed under Ava, International
Indians (from India, not native American Indians) ask us ‘Why not India?’ all the time. When we embarked on this journey we never looked past India. But if our journey through infertily and adoption has taught us something, it is to not only expect but to accept the unexpected too.
When we first considered adopting from Taiwan, we weren’t sure about our decision. Would our little baby girl or boy feel part of our family? In addition to the issues of dealing with living in a country outside the one she was born, she would also have to deal with being adopted, deal with having her parents looking different from her. Would we be able to ensure that she would be happy and well-settled?
The honest answer is no – we cannot ensure that she will be. But what we can ensure is that we will do our very best. Raising a adopted child is not for the faint of heart, and we are going in with eyes wide open.
We fell in love with our little daughter the day we saw her first picture. Just a few short hours after we first saw her, she had already become ‘our’ baby. We could not imagine somehow not being matched with her. It didn’t matter that she was Taiwanese, looked different from us and different from what we ever expected our baby to look like.
We are already planning our second child. After we get past the excitement and deal with the reality of having our first child, we will make sure that Ava has a baby sister who comes from a similar cultural background as her. We are committed to Ava and her culture.
I am glad that this journey has guided us to Taiwan. If anything, it has helped us open our own hearts wider, to connect with different people of different nationalities, and to truly be a multi-cultural family.
Why not India? That question seems so irrelevant now. The world is getting smaller everyday. Cultures are overlapping. Blacks are marrying Whites, Hindus are marrying Christians. The words ‘Black’, ‘White’, ‘Yellow’, ‘Brown’, ‘Christian’, ‘Jew’, ‘Muslim’, ‘Gay’ is giving way to ‘Human‘. Isn’t this a great world we live in!
February 14, 2007 · Filed under International
The last time we looked into adopting from India there was a lot of uncertainty since CARA, the Central Adoption Resource Agency of India, had changed the guidelines. The timelines were ridiculously long and laced with many unknowns. Preet Mandir, the Indian adoption agency from where a lot of children were adopted internationally, was subject to public allegations of corruption. Most of the US adoption agencies had abandoned their India program.
Recently though, while we are waiting for our travel to Taiwan, I decided to see if the situation had gotten any better. I am happy to write that things are looking good, although there is still a long way to go. A few of the developments…
We have decided to extend a wider range of benefits to OCI cardholders. I am happy to announce three new benefits: first, parity with non-resident Indians on inter-country adoption;…
- Times of India: 7 Jan 2007
On Aug. 22, 2006 India’s president signed into law legislation that set national norms for adoption including: expansion of the definition of “abandoned and surrendered” children to include a juvenile found begging, a street child or a working child; permitting the adoption of a child regardless of religion or marital status; and raising the age limit of adoptive parents…
- http://www.familyhelper.net/news/india.html
NRI/OCI/PIO families currently face several delays when adopting from India. One of the contributing factors is the expiry of licenses of the RIPAs, and the subsequent delays in the license renewal process…
- A Petition that has been forwarded to CARA
People are also experiencing shorter timelines although the norm is still at least 2 years. Visit our India Adoption page for more information…
What about us? Do we regret not waiting? We will cover this in the next post.
February 13, 2007 · Filed under Domestic, International
One of our friends who recently adopted has been going through a great deal of depression. This was the first time we were exposed to the *not so rosy* face of adoption. Coincidentally there is a similar discussion on one of the adoption groups that we frequent. It is now clear that a lot of women do experience some form of depression. People just don’t like to talk about it!
You’ve been through infertility hell and back again. You ran through the maze of the adoption process and you’ve finally reached your goal. You have your baby in your arms. You are finally a member of the “parenthood club”, complete with stroller, burp pads, car seat, and mini van. The moment they put your baby in your arms, you knew what heaven felt like. Suddenly three or four weeks later, a strange sense of anxiety comes over you. Some describe the feeling as panic, some say it is a gross feeling of inadequacy for the total responsibility for this little person. Others describe it as a “cloudy blue feeling”, while others go as far as to call it a depression. What I call it is Post-Adoption Depression Syndrome, (PADS).
- June Bond http://www.adopting.org/pads.html
According to Harriet McCarthy, who conducted a survey for the Eastern European Adoption Coalition (EEAC), as many as 65 percent of adoptive parents are affected to some degree by PAD. This is close to the 70 percent of all new parents who, according to the American Psychiatric Association, experience some type of mood disturbance during the post-partum period, feelings known as “baby blues,” or, when they rise to the level of clinical concern, post partum depression.
- http://www.connectforkids.org/node/2964
The worst part about it was feeling that I couldn’t talk to anyone about my feelings, that I had no right to complain. I was afraid I’d hear, “Well, you’re the one that wanted to adopt. You got what you asked for.” And it’s embarrassing to admit things aren’t all peachy-keen. How could you possibly admit to someone that you think you don’t love your new baby/toddler/child and that you think you’ve made the biggest mistake of your life?.
- Donna, PostAdoptionDepression@yahoogroups.com
Falling in love with a child that smells different, looks different, and behaves differently than you expected can be difficult. In some cases, immediate and visceral feelings of rejection of the child ensue. Then overwhelming panic grabs you as a you realize that you have no idea what you need to do to change the situation.
- Post-Adoption Blues: Overcoming the Unforseen Challenges of Adoption
I’ve done some research on this myself, because it affected me. My children did not bond easily. However, what I found in interviewing mothers I knew personally was that every one of them, to a head, described *some* depression following adoption… some form of emotional distance from their child, that made them feel sad, and caused them to wonder if they were adequate. Anyone who feels this way should know they are not alone. By reaching out to others who they know well enought to get honest answers from, they’ll discover they’re in very good company.
- Valerie Woo (www.taiwanadoption.blogspot.com)
January 17, 2007 · Filed under International
Update Jan 28: Just got word that our dossier was submitted to the court on Jan 17.
Update Mar 19: Just got word that our case received the first decree on Mar 19.
Update Apr 11: Just got word that our case received the final decree on Apr 11.
Update May 26: We traveled to Taiwan on May 20 and got our baby back on May 26.
We got a letter from Heartsent detailing the adoption process in Taiwan. It goes like this
- Stage One: Dossier is sent to St. Lucy Center – DONE
- Stage Two: Case is sent to judge in Tainan Court – Court date may be set for birth mother to appear and verbally relinquish rights (judge may not require this) – DONE
- Stage Three: Case receives first decree – Judge will make final judgement on case; A minimum of 10 days must then pass without anyone objecting to the adoption – DONE
- Stage Four: Case receives final decree – DONE
- Stage Five: St Lucy Center completes final documents – This includes the necessary paperwork required by AIT as well as the translation of the court documents – DONE
- Stage Six: Heartsent receives documents and family (that’s us!) can travel – DONE
On average the above listed stages will take a total of 6 months to complete. At times cases can be completed in as quickly as 4 months, or can take as long as 8 months to complete.
January 15, 2007 · Filed under International
Our agency just called us and told us that our dossier and the care package has reached St. Lucy Center in Taiwan. We are officially in Taiwan now! The documents, after verification, will be submitted to the courts in Taiwan and we will not hear from them until the first decree, which could take 4-6 months. So close…yet so far…
December 13, 2006 · Filed under International
A nice surprise for us in the mail today…i171H from USCIS. This completes all formalities and pre-approval required for international adoption. We have a referral, we have authorization from the US government, the only thing left is to hope that the court process in Taiwan goes smoothly.
December 12, 2006 · Filed under Ava, International
We went in today to Hearsent’s office to sign some papers and see the photographs and the medical report of our little baby. Her medical report is perfect except for a minor ear infection. We are so excited. We signed the papers so I guess it really has started. Now it has to go through the court system here, then go to the courts in Taiwan sometime in January. The court system in Taiwan will take around 4-6 months, so hopefully, by next July or so, we can fly to Taiwan and bring Ava home.
We might be biased but we think she is the cutest kid ever. Check her pictures at Ava’s blog and decide for yourself!
Phew. Surreal. Hope it all works out fine. Time to start preparing. Good thing we have time, huh?
December 11, 2006 · Filed under Ava, International
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November 4, 2006 · Filed under International
Yippee Yay…we are finally done with the paperwork. Not too shabby… In less than 4 weeks, we submitted all the paperwork to Heartsent. Thanks to wifey’s persistence we were able to get IAC to send the homestudy to Heartsent. The homestudy has just been submitted to USCIS so it will be a while before we receive the I171H. This is not a biggie since this is not a requirement to be on the waiting list. The current wait time is about 6 months for a girl and hopefully it doesn’t regress any further. That is only the referral time. Then there is another 6 month wait for the court process so we are looking at a total wait time of approximately 1 year.
The waiting has begun…again. We have kept the domestic adoption option open since we already paid for it and neither agencies had any issues with it.
- Nov 3 – Heartsent received the homestudy from IAC and sent it to USCIS (part of I600a). Wifey’s persistence finally paid off. If she wouldn’t have gotten on IAC’s case who knows when they would send it to Heartsent! Did we mention how glad we are that we no longer have to work with IAC?
- Nov 4 – Attended travel class and CPR class conducted by Heartsent. We will now receive a certification in CPR from Red Cross (kind of scary to think that we are certified!). We talked to a couple of people during these classes and hopefully will get to know them a little better in the next few classes. It would be nice if we could have a Taiwan adoptive group so that our kids can all meet each other and we can learn from each others experiences.
October 31, 2006 · Filed under Domestic, International
Time for the October update! We are just about done with our paperwork. The only pending document is the homestudy which has been delayed only due to IAC’s incompetence. We hope to get this resolved soon and get on with the adoption process.
- Oct 2 – Completed our medical checkup which included a complete physical, TB test, HIV test and HEPB test. We now have to wait for the results of the tests so that the doctor can sign the adoption medical letter.
- Oct 3 – Mailed I600a to USCIS. We did not send the homestudy with the application since we have to wait for IAC to internationalize our domestic homestudy. USCIS will now call us for fingerprinting and then will wait for the homestudy document before proceeding on the approval.
- Oct 7 – Met our IAC social worker. She asked us some basic questions and told us that she will work with our HeartSent adoption coordinator and get the updated home study completed soon. She is the one silver lining in the whole IAC experience.
- Oct 8 – We had a little get-together with our domestic adoption group. It was a great evening and we decided to go for a hockey game next.
- Oct 9 – Mailed second notarized reference letter and copy of I600a form to HeartSent. The only pending document is the notarized medical report and the homestudy.
- Oct 14 – Attended ‘Attachment and Bonding’ class conducted by Heartsent. The objective of this class is to get us prepared for getting a older child into our lives and the potential attachment/bonding issues we could face.
- Oct 16 – Met the Heartsent social worker. She asked us some basic adoption related questions and looked like she was satisfied with our answers. We also got the next set of paperwork from our adoption coordinator. This is Taiwan specific paperwork. This is the time we had to pay the second Heartsent fee of $5500.
- Oct 19 – The medical paperwork is completed. We took a traveling notary with us and got the doctor’s signature notarized.
- Oct 23 – Received I600a acknowledgement from INS. The acknowledgement clearly states that they will not start processing our file until they receive the homestudy. In the meantime they asked us to get ourselves fingerprinted.
- Oct 24 – Got the police clearance letters from the Los Angeles police department. We had to take a traveling notary with us this time too. This whole notarization thing is getting to be a bit expensive and inconvenient.
- Oct 25 – Mailed the following documents to Heartsent: Notarized medical letters, Notarized police clearance letters, Guardianship letter, Application letter, SLC Application form, Notarized passport photo and signature page, Color photos (2 pages – 10 photos), Power of attorney. The only pending document is the homestudy which is beyond our control.
- Oct 26 – We got ourselves fingerprinted. This is the required part of the I600a process.
- Oct 30 – Now that we are almost done with the paperwork, Heartsent requested the third payment of $1948. This is the translation fee required for the Taiwan program. Off it goes in the mail tomorrow…
- Oct 31 – It seems like our IAC social worker completed the homestudy document and sent it to IAC about 2 weeks ago for approval. IAC has been sitting on this document for a while. This is very typical of them. Wifey sent a detailed mail to the IAC director explaining the urgency of the situation and this is the response we got “It was received and is being sent. Thanks.” Talk about a detailed response to a very important and urgent request. We are trying very hard not to lose it again. Wifey will be calling them every single day until the document reaches Heartsent. We hope we don’t have to deal with IAC ever in the future. There are better agencies out there and Heartsent is definitely a good example of a great agency.
September 30, 2006 · Filed under International
Years ago, when we decided to start a family, it was exciting – a new adventure we were going to travel on together. After trying unsuccessfully for over five years, however, I found myself very jaded. Even though we tried the domestic adoption program, it was just something to do – I didn’t really believe it would work.
I am happy to write that with our application for International adoption, the excitement has returned. Yesterday, I just realized that though it may be around a year till we see our baby girl, she will be almost a year by then, so she is going to be born soon. We do not know who she is, but our destinies have already been linked, and within a year, she will come home with us and be a part of our family. It is an exciting, thrilling, and a little scary thought.
When we first thought about having kids, we had looked at baby names, thought about who the Godparents would be, when we would baptize our child etc. Over the years, we stopped having those discussions as whether we would have a child became more of an “if” than a “when.” We are lucky that today, adoption is an option, and even though we cannot have a child biologically, we can still fill our house with laughter and joy. And inflict years of stress and worrying about the kids upon ourselves too, but that is another story entirely *smile*.
So anyway, we have a year to prepare ourselves fully. Not totally unlike pregnant women who find that they have eight-some months to prepare for their little baby. A year to get ourselves ready, the apartment ready, our paperwork ready, a year to party all we can before responsibility sets in – heh.
I’m sure the next year will fly by quickly, and before we know it, we will be on that plane to Taiwan, and I will be biting my nails in anticipation as we prepare to meet our baby for the first time. It finally seems like our dream is on its way to becoming a reality and I’m excited!
September 30, 2006 · Filed under Domestic, International
We have been researching different country programs for the last few weeks. Having eliminated most of the Latin/South American countries due to the uncertainty there we focussed our attention on the China program. A great program but the waiting periord has increased considerably from 6 months a year ago to over 14 months now. The wait is expected to get longer! We then looked at the Vietnam program but the wait there is over 1 year for a girl although it is very short for a boy. Digging deeper we found the Taiwan program where the wait should be no longer than 3-6 months for a girl referral. We decided to go ahead with the Taiwan program through a small agency, Heartsent adoptions Inc. Based on the timeframe it is likely that our baby is already conceived. Although it is too early in the process it is beginning to get very real!
- Sep 17 – Attended a international adoption orientation with CHI. We were mainly interested in the Vietnam program. It was quite a disappointment hearing them say that it would take 18-24 months for a girl referral from Vietnam.
- Sep 23 – Attended a international adoption orientation with Heartsent. This time we were focussed on the Taiwan program. The agency seems genuine and we have heard very good things about them. We decided to go ahead with them since they think the wait should be no longer that 3-6 months for a girl. Then there is 3-6 month court process so we are looking for a total wait of approximately 1 year. We also submitted the application for US passport. We should get the passport within 2 weeks.
- Sep 27 – Submitted the application and autobiography to Heartsent. They didn’t charge us yet since they have to calculate the fees as our situation is a little different. Basically our domestic agency will internationalize the domestic homestudy so we don’t have to pay the entire $2400 to Heartsent. They still want us to have one interview with the social worker so the current estimate is $200 (signup fee) + $350. Our domestic agency will charge us in the range of $400 – $800. We will have to wait and see.
- Sep 28 – Fixed doctor appt for Tue Oct 2. Printed bank statements. Got notarized copy of employment letter. Finalized on travel notary. The doctor’s signature has to be notarized so we have to take a notary to the doctor’s office. All documents for international adoption has to be notarized.
- Sep 29 – Got one notarized reference letter.
- Sep 30 – Went in for the fingerprinting for DOJ and caic (child abuse index check) clearance. Paid IAC (our domestic agency) $600 to internationalize the domestic homestudy. Paid Heartsent $765.
September 22, 2006 · Filed under International, US Citizenship Journey
Today is wifey’s birthday and guess what present she is getting? A present that few others (if any) can boast of giving their wives. How about United States Citizenship! Yep, today we had the oath ceremony and we are now legal naturalized citizens of this wonderful country. More importantly, we can now start the international adoption process.
It was a great ceremony. There were about 4500 people getting naturalized today in the downtown convention center. The judge who presided over our ceremony also told us that there were about 4500 naturalized earlier in the day, for a total of approximately 9000 new citizens. The top 5 countries in this group of 9000 people: 1 Mexico, 2 Philippines, 3 El Salvador, 4 Iran, 5 Vietnam. Although Mexico was expected to top the group the rest of the countries were a real surprise. The judge also told us that every American is an immigrant! He told us to never forget our heritage but to also remember that we now owe our allegience to US.
If this was not present enough, wifey also wanted to go out for a nice dinner. We celebrated this memorable day at a great local Italian restaurant. We thinky that we will be visiting this restaurant more often especially on those extra special occasions.
September 7, 2006 · Filed under International, US Citizenship Journey
We were tested in basic English and US Civics knowledge. This was fairly easy and neither of us had any problems with the questions. All is good. Our oath ceremony is on the 22nd. Almost there!
We are very close to getting US citizenship, hopefully within 2 months. We now are aggressively looking at international adoption agencies and researching each country programs. Out of all it seems like China has the best program. Recently we came across a relatively new El Salvador program which seems to be quite good although we are not able to find anyone who has successfully adopted from El Salvador. Nevertheless we think we will go with Los Ninos agency and their El Salvador program. We will apply for 2 kids at the same time, one boy and one girl.
August 20, 2006 · Filed under International
Since we require government certified copies of our birth certificate for international adoptions, hubby is in India trying to get our birth certificates. Attempting to get any work done from a government agency in India is an absolute nightmare. He finally managed to get his birth certificates but wifey’s birth certificate is still a problem. After multiple visits he managed to get wifey’s birth certificate but it didn’t have her name. What good is a birth certificate if the name of the person who was born on that day is not on the certificate!
We then decide to contact the Indian embassy in US and it was nice to hear that they can issue a birth certificate in as little as 3 days. Although a little expensive, $20 v/s Rs 20 per certificate, it is totally worth it, not having to deal with the government officials in India. We will get 10 copies so we don’t have to deal with this issue ever again hopefully
Update: We applied for 10 copies of wifey’s birth certificate at the Indian embassy in San Francisco. We did receive them but they only had a rubber stamp. Typically a certified copy has a indented seal but even in US the Indian embassy doesn’t believe it is necessary to follow international standards. They really want to make it hard for us. We thank our stars that we got married in Barbados. We mailed a check to the Barbados government and they sent us 10 copies of our marriage certificate with the certified seal for $10/certificate!
June 6, 2006 · Filed under Domestic
Our approved homestudy dated Jun 1, 2006, was in our mailbox today. Along with the homestudy we noticed the certified copy of our marriage certificate. Yep, this is the same certificate that our agency did not receive earlier! They claim that it finally reached them without a postmark. At least they returned it to us. We never had anything get lost in the US mail before and this confirmed our faith in the US postal system.
Now all we have to do is wait…wait until a birthmother calls us. Our profile website is up and running and linked to the agency’s site. We also got a toll free number from AccessLine for $6/month.
We also got assigned a new adoption coordinator. We had a very unpleasant experience with our main coordinator and can’t really deal with her anymore.
May 29, 2006 · Filed under Domestic
We now have to send 100 copies of our approved birthmother letters to our agency. The weekend was pretty hectic. We bought heavy stock paper and printed out 100 copies of the letter in color (both sides) on our printer. The agency requires that the our profile photo be separately printed out on photo paper and then manually stuck on the birthmother letter. So off to Target we went and got 100 photos printed out. Then it was sticky time. The next step was to sign each of the letters with our full name. Hectic and painful, yes! But we finally got it all done over the weekend and wifey mailed the 100 letters to IAC today. Yep, we sent it by certified mail!
Now we have to play the waiting game. IAC will acknowledge that they received our letters and will send us a copy of the approved home study.
May 25, 2006 · Filed under US Citizenship Journey
Today we had our fingerprinting appointment. Right on schedule! Approximately one month after we submitted our application. So far our citizenship journey is on track. If only our adoption journey was more predictable.
The next step is the interview process which will likely be within 4-5 months. We have to learn a bit of US history but that should be relatively easy.
May 23, 2006 · Filed under Domestic
Our birthmother letter is finally approved. We should be happy, right? But we are not. We exchanged a few unpleasantries with our adoption coordinator this month. Inefficiency on their part was the big reason. They had asked us to be patient but it seems like they were paying more attention to people who were high maintenance. We had been very quiet and cooperative all the way and I tend to believe this is the reason they chose to ignore us. This process really started to move after the situation got unpleasant. We don’t think we can work with our coordinator anymore and will be requesting a new coordinator.
The timeline:
- May 02 – Adoption coordinator okays birthmom letter, says will submit to Director for final approval. At this time she also mentioned the missing marriage certificate in file. Huh! Didn’t they notice this before? Couldn’t they have checked our file earlier? The documents were submitted to them 5 months ago!
- May 06 – Mailed certified copy of marriage certificate and final draft. We had also started working on our birthmother website and got it finalized today. The website doesn’t have to be approved by the agency so we have lots of creative freedom here.
- May 11 – Adoption coordinator emails with answers to questions, says she has no time to look at our website for comments as she is very busy. This is when it starts getting annoying especially since they took a very long time to approve our letter but they don’t have even 5 minutes to skim through the website. Now I am beginning to wonder if the perfect letter is to show us in good light or to show the adoption coordinater in a good light. If they cared about us they would look at our website since this is another way the birthmother will be able to find and select us.
- May 18 – Asked adoption coordinator if she received the marriage certificate, says no. This is when we lost it. I sent out a nasty email which took a very nasty turn. Everyone was yelling and screaming. The good news is that things started to move a little quicker from this point onwards.
- May 19 – Mailed notarized copy of marriage certificate to adoption coordinator.
- May 22 – Adoption coordinator says that notarized copy is no good, needs government certified copy. Yeah, we sent it earlier but they never received it!
- May 23 – Sent government certified copy of certificate to adoption coordinator. We didn’t want to take any chance this time so we sent the certificate by certified mail.
April 27, 2006 · Filed under International, US Citizenship Journey
Woo Hoo! We are finally eligible to apply for US citizenship. Actually we were eligible last week but wanted to keep some days as buffer just in case… This is huge for us since our adoption plans depend on us becoming US citizens. The current time frame in our district is around 6 months. So we are looking at becoming citizens by end of October 2006. It is easier to become US citizens than to adopt! One step at a time…
We put in both our US citizenship applications today. If all goes according to the current timeframe we should have the fingerprinting appointment late next month.
April 26, 2006 · Filed under Domestic
It’s been back and forth for 3 months now. The end is in sight but our agency is just too slooow. Our patience is wearing thin.
The timeline for the last 4 months:
- Jan 17 – Adoption coordinator mails back saying that we will get the letter saying that home study is approved once the birthmom letter is approved by the agency’s Director.
- Jan 23 – Adoption coordinator reviews photos. None are any good, but she gives suggestions.
- Feb 15 – Sent first draft of bithmom letter by mail.
- Mar 04 – Adoption coordinator’s first comments by mail.
- Mar 20 – Sent second draft by email with substantial changes.
- Apr 04 – Discussed changes with adoption coordinator.
- Apr 06 – Sent third draft by mail.
- Apr 25 – Discussed changes with adoption coordinator, these include Director’s comments.
- Apr 26 – Sent fourth draft by mail.
January 13, 2006 · Filed under Domestic
We finally managed to get all the documents in order and mailed them to IAC. We are almost there (or so we think)!
- Fingerprinting – check
- Home Study – check
- Mail documents – check
- Birthmother letter – pending… This is the killer piece which is going to consume most of our time
We also clicked a lot of photos of ourselves together for the birthmother letter. We put it on a CD and sent it to our adoption coordinator for approval. Our agency has a very strict requirements for the profile photo – should be 4×6, color, eyes should be looking at the camera, both should be smiling, no shadow of any kind, non-distracting background etc etc. We have to take about 100 photographs and then narrow it down to a few and send it to the agency for approval. Hopefully they will select one photo so we don’t have to go through this exercise again.
We did miss out sending the certified copy of our marriage certificate. This is going to give us lots of grief later.
December 26, 2005 · Filed under Domestic
Phew! After answering all the autobiographical questions we were completely drained out. The rest of the home study process was much less taxing. We were both individually interviewed by the social worker and I like to think that we passed with flying colors. One of us was interviewed on a neutral premise, more specifically Starbucks! The other was interviewed in our house itself.
Today was a big day for us as it concludes the home study process. This is the day the social worker inspects our home to make sure that it is child friendly. We had done everything possible to baby-proof the house. The medicines were locked up in a box, the cleaning supplies were placed out of reach, all electric outlets were covered, and all cabinets were child proofed. The only thing the social worker told us to do was to keep the knife block out of reach in some overhead cabinet. Yeah, sure! How is keeping knives in a overhead cabinet good? What if the knife falls down on us when we reach up to get it out? But we did not argue. If that is what the social worker wants that is what the social worker gets.
That was it. We were approved! Yippee yay! Now on to the rest of the paperwork and the next biggest roadblock, the birthmother profile.
Check out our Home Study page for more details…
December 15, 2005 · Filed under Domestic
By now we had completed the fingerprinting and criminal background check process. We also went for a medical checkup and completed that part of the requirement. Finally we went to the local DMV office and got both our driving record history.
We ended up paying more for the medical checkup since we had a big deductible for medical coverage. We had to take a TB test, cholesterol test and complete physical. One of us had to take an XRay and hence the total cost came to around $300 excluding the copay.
October 28, 2005 · Filed under Domestic
We attended another free seminar, this one by AdoptHelp (www.adopthelp.com). This agency is run by a lawyer and it seems like they would get the job although it might turn out to be more expensive. This is a no nonsense agency. We were very impressed and almost changed our mind. But after talking it out we decided to go ahead with IAC, one reason being that the other three parties who attended the first seminar with IAC decided to pursue adoption with IAC. In hindsight we should have gone ahead with AdoptHelp but then again we were never really hopeful of this whole domestic adoption working out for us!
Now that we got the other agency past our system we turned in the application to IAC and sent them a check for $950. Today was the beginning of our 2 day weekend intensive program. This is part of the homestudy requirement. Here they gave us more insight into open adoptions. They also went through a really big folder with all information pertaining to adoption and all that we needed to do in order to qualify for domestic adoptions. Most of it was related to the homestudy and the birthmother profile. We also had to get a medical done and FBI check.
We could still walk away from the agency at this point with a $950 loss but we all decided to stay put and sign the contract. This agency required a big upfront payment (a big red flag) but we really wanted to get started soon so we didn’t give it much thought.
We opted for the installment program. Apart from the $950 we gave them a check for $1050 and the remaining in 5 equal installments ($1450 in 5 equal installments from Nov 05 to Mar 06 on the 15th of each month) directly debited from bank account.
October 14, 2005 · Filed under Domestic
At the seminar with IAC we were told that we would have to put up a birthmother profile on the internet, in addition to the paper based version. My wife and I are both geeks (computer programmers) so we decided to get our own domain. Yahoo was running a great promotion, $2.99 for a domain for a 1 year period (subsequent renewal will cost $10/year), so we jumped on that. Where do we host our website? Yahoo was a bit expensive so we shopped around and found GoDaddy.com providing a decent hosting space for $3.95 a month.
For all the non geeks out there Yahoo is a good hosting option since they provide great tools to create a website. With GoDaddy.com one has to learn a little bit of html – which is not that difficult, really!
It would be a while before we worked on the website so it was probably a bit premature to pay for hosting right away but we were excited. We really wanted to get started immediately.
Total cost for domain and hosting space for one year from today: $2.99 + $3.95*12 = $50.39 (excluding tax)
September 10, 2005 · Filed under Domestic, International, US Citizenship Journey
After a lot of thinking we decided that we couldn’t wait any longer.
The plan
- Start domestic adoption in US as soon as possible
- Start US citizenship process as soon as possible – earliest we could start this process was mid 2006
- Start international adoption as soon as we become US citizens
We got started on part 1 of the process by attending a seminar with Independent Adoption Center (IAC) today. This was a very emotional and eye opening seminar. We understood that domestic adoptions have to be open adoptions (I will touch more on this topic in a later post). They showed us a very emotional video and got one adoptive parent to talk to us. The IAC staff was very nice at this seminar. There were four diverse interested parties there: 1 couple where the husband was Caucasian and the wife was Asian (oriental), 1 single black female, 1 gay couple (men) and 1 couple from India (that’s us!). Isn’t Los Angeles great! This was a great group and wifey decided to get everyone’s contact information at the end of the seminar so that we could keep in touch.
We were convinced that we wanted to proceed with IAC but had to go for at least one more seminar before taking the plunge. The application fee was $950 so we better be sure.
We paid a voluntary recommended $45 donation for attending this seminar. They served us lunch in between when we were watching the emotional adoption marketing video.
July 31, 2005 · Filed under Domestic, International, US Citizenship Journey
This is about the time we stopped focussing on our infertility issues and decided to investigate adoption. After doing some preliminary investigation we realized that we couldn’t pursue international adoption and our only recourse was to enroll in the domestic adoption program. This was a disappointment since at this time we were hoping to adopt from India. One option was to wait for US citizenship and then apply for international adoption. By our calculation we could be US citizens by end of 2006. Could we wait this long?
Visit our Why Adoption? and Our Story pages for more details…
